OK, so I missed a few days. It’s Christmas. It happens. Plus I’ve gone to an orientation session for my job, taken a drug test for same said job, replaced a wheel cylinder on an old Dodge pickup, and bought new clothes and shoes. I’ve been busy away from the internet.

Let’s start at the start: I got a fucking job! My first day is the 2nd. It’s third shift, so I guess my first day is my first night. I’m working with the production of small electronics for use in cars. That’s all I know about it. Well, I know I have to wear safety glasses, an anti-static coat and steel-toes shoes, too. OK, and I know I had to sign a NDA. I may have said too much already.

I had to buy shoes since I didn’t own any steel-toes. The ones I bought look like sneakers and they’re “electrostatic dissipative”. I bought some super shiny square-toed dress shoes, too, as well as a couple of pairs of slacks, jeans, dress shirts, ties and even a sport coat. It’s actually pretty nice to be able to look dapper if need be.

As for the wheel cylinder, that was a damn lie at worst and stretching the truth at best. I did help, though, and I made the inevitable trips to the auto parts store. I guess they could have done without me but it would’ve taken them a lot longer than three hours to finish.

I broke the handle on my back door and scared my neighbor’s rooster in the process. Coincidentally, my neighbor’s rooster scared me since I was unaware that he was just around the corner scratching and pecking. My momentary fear melted almost immediately when I saw the fat little thing running stupidly back up the hill.

I also went to the grocery store.

Turns out job interviews aren’t nearly as intimidating as I thought they were. I hadn’t been to one this decade so I was afraid I would be rusty, unable to answer their questions without hemming and hawing.

To my surprise and relief, their questions were mostly of the So, you wrote this on your application? variety.

Still no job as yet. But I’m one step closer. The interviewer (I forgot his name before it was even over) said that I may get a call before the first of the year but that, more likely, it would be January before I hear anything. I told him I expected as much.

I feel like my odds are pretty good. Mr. Interviewer seemed to like me and was impressed with the stability in my employment record. Plus, there were only two other people who came in while I was waiting. One was a kid who I guess didn’t have internet access at his house. He had to be there early to finish some paperwork you need to fill out online before you’re screened.

The other guy was some weirdo who probably looked older than he actually was. He had greasy, dark hair and a mustache and was wearing a dusty duster. He asked if he could use the bathroom. The receptionist asked if he had an appointment.

“No, I just need to use the bathroom.”

“I’m sorry but our bathrooms are for employees only,” she said.

“Do you care if I go on the tree out here? I really have to go to the bathroom.”

The receptionist took a moment then said, “No, you can’t. I’m sorry. Maybe you can try at one of the other businesses around here.”

Dusty Duster said, “Oh, OK,” then walked back out the door and down the sidewalk. I didn’t have much of a viewing angle. I couldn’t tell whether or not he made a beeline for the copse.

At least he asked first.

Good news. I have a job interview tomorrow. Unfortunately it’s not at a thorough bred racehorse farm. It’s actually for two separate jobs through a staffing agency. They’re both industrial with long hours and just above minimum pay. I don’t know what kind of time frame I’m dealing with, though. When would I start? Is it temporary? Temp to hire? Direct hire? Beats me.

It does look as if they both offer health insurance and a 401k. That’s good. And very adult, too.

The lady who called about it this morning completely threw me off. The phone hadn’t rung since god knows when. What few calls I had gotten were telemarketers and miss dials. When I heard the woman’s voice I thought, “Yeah, wrong number.” But it wasn’t! It was a legitimate human being who offered me a chance to exchange manual labor for monetary compensation.

I drove out to their office about an hour ago just to make sure I knew where it was. I sort of forgot that I can’t see jack shit when it’s dark and rainy. Drove right past it. Turns out that’s as good as anything because I know exactly where I went wrong.

Not much to report today. I took a two-mile walk and applied for more jobs. One of them was 200 miles away.

It was a temporary position — temporary meaning “only lasts 10 months” — as a stall attendant at a horse farm just outside of Lexington, Kentucky. Derby country.

They didn’t require any kind of experience (a vet can shovel poop as well as a drop out can, I guess). We had horses when I was a kid, though, so I’m at least accustom to them. Plus, they offer free housing for workers who can’t commute.

It seems like it could be fun in a nearly year-long summer camp for adults sort of way. I’d just have to get someone to watch my cat.

I got chewed out a little today. First, some backstory.

I quit my job back in August. It was a sort of rash decision but one that had been brewing for a while. I don’t regret doing it, really, but I could have planned better. That said, I’ve got it made right now. I’m living in a three bedroom house, rent and utility free. My food and cigarettes are bought for me. I’m kept.

I don’t feel good about this but I’m not going to pretend like I’m not enjoying it. It’s kind of cool.

It is limiting, though. My immediate needs are taken care of but I don’t have any agency. I can’t go out for the night, I can’t buy myself something just because I want it, I can’t do the things I want to do. I may not be employed but that doesn’t mean I don’t have responsibilities tied to what little money I have.

I wasn’t able to start looking for work immediately after leaving my job. My ID had been expired for over three years, so I had to get that updated first. That took about two months. First I had to pay off some fines that were keeping me from getting a driver’s license (long story short, I’m never keeping a drunk off the road again). Then I had to come up with the paperwork necessary to convince the state that I live where I say I live.

It was over 10 years since I last had a driver’s license, so I also had to retake the written and driving tests. At age thirty fucking three. I passed the written test on the spot despite the administrator lady’s concern that I refused to study for it. I figured I’d just show up the next morning to take the driving test.

Nope.

The lady told me I had to make an appointment. She said it would be mid-December before I could get in. This was in October.

I left the DMV, still without a valid ID, and went online to find a testing center with a more workable schedule. I found one that was located about an hour’s drive west with a slot available in three weeks. I made an appointment and, 21 days later, drove myself home, a proven driver and consummated citizen.

That was a month ago. Since then I’ve applied for probably 25-30 jobs. I’ve looked into grocery, dollar, big box and drug stores. I’ve sent resumes to the local hospital and chamber of commerce. I’ve tried multiple temp agencies. I’m getting close to running out of places to try. There is one glaring hole in my job canvassing: fast food. Call it a failure of will, but I refuse to do it. It’s all I’ve done this millennium. It’s degrading and embarrassing and I’m just too damn old for it.

And that’s how it stands now. Unemployed. Looking.

And that’s what I got chewed out for. Apparently the problem is that I’m not trying hard enough. Thing is, I’m trying harder to find a job now than I’ve ever had to try in my life. I don’t have any specialized skills so I’m limited in what I can apply for. I’m annoyed with myself. I don’t need anyone else to tell me that they are, too.

I’m going to write a blog post everyday. They’re going to be terrible, I can assure you. They’re also going to pointless. It’s just an exercise. Discipline.

Here goes.

I dreamt this morning that I was going through some empty, modern building with some unidentified other person. So I guess it wasn’t totally empty. Anyway, unidentified other starts to go through a door when I see a handle of some sort swinging in the room we’re about to enter. I think it’s weird but I don’t say anything.

I follow unidentified other into the new room. It’s a landing kind of area. There’s a staircase that goes down in the center of the room and a large green generator on the opposite side. That’s what the swinging handle is attached to.

I turn around and see a bank of windows on the wall behind us with a door on the left side near the generator. The door opens and a girl, maybe 12 years old, walks out. She’s Kermit green; her hair, her skin, her eyeballs, everything. She’s wearing a ballerina outfit that is the exact same shade of green she is. Her tutu, however, is white.

I yell, “Whoooo! Whooooo! Whooooooooo!” She stops in front of me. Her tutu turns blue. She looks scared and starts backing up.

Then I wake myself up by going “Whooooo! Whoooooo! Whoooooo!” out loud into my pillow.

So that was weird.

Once I actually got up I walked to the gas station. It was just above freezing and very quiet as everyone was either in bed or in the pews. I bought a coffee, some Hostess cupcakes and cigarettes.

When I got home I made a bacon, egg and cheese sandwich. After that I washed dishes.

Aside from writing this post, all I’ve done since then is watch Ghost Adventures — yes, it’s a shit show. TIL Douche Baggins doesn’t understand what the word “debunk” means.

Day one done!

I’ll never look at Animal Crossing the same way again.

[Via Kotaku]

[Via thisisgame.com (Korean)]

You should not be trusting this guy

While I was poking around, I found this on the Barney Google and Snuffy Smith Wikipedia page.

Following “The Goo-Goo Song” (1900), the word “Google” was introduced in 1913 in The Google Book, a children’s book about the Google and other fanciful creatures who live in Googleland: “The Google has a beautiful garden which is guarded night and day. All through the day he sleeps in a pool of water in the center of the garden; but when the night comes, he slowly crawls out of the pool and silently prowls around for food.” Aware of the word’s appeal, (Billy) DeBeck launched his comic strip (Barney Google, known today as Snuffy Smith) six years later, and the “goo-goo-googly” lyrics in the 1923 song “Barney Google” (a song inspired by the comic) focused attention on the novelty of the word. When the mathematician and Columbia University professor Edward Kasner was challenged in the late 1930s to devise a name for a very large number, he asked his nine-year-old nephew, Milton Sirotta, to suggest a word. The youthful comic strip reader told Kasner to use “Google”. Kasner agreed and in 1940 he introduced the words “googol” and “googolplex” in his book, Mathematics and the Imagination. Milton Sirotta died in 1980. This is the term that Larry Page and Sergey Brin had in mind when they named their company in 1998, but they misspelled “googol” as “google,” bringing it full circle right back to Billy DeBeck.

Nevermind that it clearly states in its first sentence that the word Google was invented by the author of “The Google Book,” Vincent Cartwright Vickers. Nevermind that Billy DeBeck is already credited with inventing the phrases “horsefeathers,” “hotsy-totsy,” “sweet mama,” the ever popular “times a-wastin’,” my personal favorite “heebie-jeebies,” and the inexplicable “Who has seen the doodle bug?” Let’s give him “Google,” too. Screw that Vickers dude.

By the way, this is a Google.

The Google Book

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith

[Via Wikipedia]